June 21, 2006

Weighty Issues

I was drinking with Joe the other night, because that seems to be what we do when we're together, and he said something that historically has caused great alarm in me: you've lost a lot of weight.

Anyone who knows me realizes that I'm quite thin. (people hate me for this) My problem with weight has always been, not keeping it off, but gaining it and keeping it on my frame. When I was younger, I kept a scale in my bathroom because I'd rapidly (and involuntarily) drop a ton of weight. (actually, that's what people hate me for) Again, anyone who knows me realizes my love affair with food, so it wasn't that I wasn't eating; it was just growing pains. In my 20's. Years after I stopped growing. ahem!

Then, my weight stabilized and I was able to throw out my scale and not worry about passing out when I stood up. Cheers abounded.

Then I went back to grad school. And gained a whole bunch of weight. Which I promptly lost after graduation because there simply were no more 3am runs to Del Taco.

Then I moved to Ireland. And gained a whole bunch of weight. Again.

Quoting Housemate Clare very poorly, (paraphrasing might be a better term) when people relocate, men tend to lose weight, making them better hunters, and women tend to gain weight , presumably making them better baby incubators, which I regard as wholly unfair. Especially for those of us that have no desire to be a baby incubator. Evolution was devised by a man, I swear. True to form however, I gained weight when I got here. Officially, I blame the Guinness and Potatoes. In fact, I call them my Potato Pounds.

Now, when I say 'a whole bunch of weight' I mean in the neighborhood of 7-10 pounds. That said, I've still never been what people would describe as overweight. I know this. But being a perpetually skinny girl, hitting the optimum weight for my height is a little uncomfortable physically. So when Joe mentioned the weight loss, and followed it up with 'Remember how you looked in Paris? You're much thinner than that', I was curious and disappointed. It's not that I was heavy, it's that I finally had curves on my body and it rather looked good. I've never had proper boobs before and that's the first place you gain and lose weight. Example: Rene Zellweger

After my night with Joe and Co, where Fergal was shocked to hear that I'm only 5'-8" and nowhere close to 6' (a sure sign I'm getting too thin) I went home and weighed myself. I weigh an entirely normal 9.5. Stones that is. I rather like saying I'm a 9.5. It somehow works for me. The whole world should convert to stone measurements. Because Liz Hurley is an 8 and I'm definitely much cuter than she is. Kate Moss is probably a 7.5. Hee... I love this new system!

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

Yes. Stones are much more fun, and graspable, than pounds or *shudder* kilos. I equate kilos with bags of sugar, and that's never a good image. ("How ****ing many bags of sugar?")
.......
I used to be obsessed, a decade and a half ago when I realised I was a physical wreck (15 stone, no muscle - now I'm 11 and a half). But now the only time I check the scales is when I visit my mum at my family home....it's more my shape, not my weight, that I bother about - but not, thankfully, obsess about anymore....
.....
Enough of my autobiography. This is *your* blog. Sorry.
Rene Zellweger is made of pipe-cleaners. Horrible. Proper (real) boobs of a nice and modest size are terrific and truly wonderful. (But of course as a man I'm biased).

B said...

Comment away! As you can see from other posts, not too many people comment here. It's one of the things that really annoys the piss out of me. I think that's why I spent more time on your blog than mine. Pontificating is only so much fun for a short amount of time.

Anonymous said...

I think I'll stick with pounds. 195 pounds sounds better to me than 88 kilos, or 14 stones. And on the previous comment, kilos always reminds me of cocaine. I guess it was all the TV from my youth in the 80's.

-Hip

Anonymous said...

Stones? i'd probably be a couple of boxes of stones, which begs the question: How many stones are there to a box? Do they weigh in boxes once you passed a reasonable stone number. "Well, I'm 14 stones, if I gain anymore I'll be 1 box of stones". I've always been over the weight threshold myself. When I was younger they used the word "Husky", I guess to keep the self esteem from plumetting. Now people say stuff like "Hey rich.. you'll have the last donut right?" Ummm donuts... Throw another stone in barrell, I mean boxes.

B said...

I love the idea of weighing myself in bags of cocaine as opposed to bags of sugar. Although, powdered sugar and I wouldn't know the difference. Clearly, I didn't watch enough tv in the 80's.

I think Husky is a very valid word for describing people. Men specifically; it's never good to describe overweight women, especially if they ask the dreaded 'does this make me look fat' question. In which case I think 'Yes,dear' would fare far better than 'you look husky'. Besides, Huskies run the Ididorod; nothing of shame there. Except that I probably spelled it wrong.