I'll Have Whatever Comes with a Tiara, Please

I actually ordered a drink that way on Friday night, out and about with Joe. We started the evening in the Palace, saying hello to Lovely Liam and convincing a country boy from Caven to buy us a round of drinks. All I had to say was 'since we let you up to the bar, you should buy us drinks.' and he did. Either he likes to be ordered around by women or I'm terribly convincing. He even bought Joe a drink. Quite odd. As we were sitting there, four women came in, all wearing tiaras, one blinking with lights. That excited me more than it probably should have. Joe pointed out that two of the women were incredibly drunk; in fact he said it was irresponsible to serve them any more drink, they were so drunk. When an Irishman says that, you know it was bad. But what made it worse was the fact that they were in their mid-50s, haggard looking women wearing too small, too tight clothing with flesh escaping from the hems, speaking and laughing so loudly the entire bar was compelled to watch them. Then a tiara fell to the floor and it took two of them in the rescue effort: one to grab the tiara from the floor, one to hold the belt loop of the rescuer. It broke and was the cause of much laughter in the group. Joe and I decided we need only to wait until the tiara was set on a table and forgotten and I could scoop it up for myself. No such luck was to be had, as the women moved on with what we can only hope was a hen night. We finished our drinks and headed to Joe's favorite bar where we ran into several people we know. After chatting a bit, we decided there was no one of interest, at least not interesting interest, so Joe took me to the smallest bar I've ever been in. Our apartment is longer than this bar. It was cozy though, and as I was deciding what to order, I looked behind the nice Italian bartender and spotted the tiaras. The wall behind him was a series of shelves with lamps shaped as handbags, disco balls, chandeliers, and tiaras. I couldn't have found a better place for me if I'd decorated it myself. So I ordered the tiara and was given a glass of champagne and a Ms. Universe type model. I drank for the rest of the evening with the tiara. It added a lovely sense of occasion, in my head at least and no one that came into the bar looked the least bit shocked to see it. My kind of place. I surrendered the tiara as I left the bar, happily, because I have one at home and now I have a place to wear it, other than the bath.