Live from Kaiserslauten. Sort of.

I’m sitting on the sofa watching the World Cup match, Italy vs. the USA. If Italy wins it’s the last game for the US. If the US wins, it’ll be one more upset in a tournament of surprising results. Ghana just beat the powerhouse of the Czech Republic, and we’ve seen a score of 6-0 the other day.

I’m a little torn about who to root for. Ah, whom am I kidding? I’m rooting for Italy. What kind of a non-nationalist am I? Who roots against their home country? I do, evidently. I’ve been conflicted all day, awaiting the start of the game but now that it’s actually begun, I can feel myself pulling for Italy. Sigh. Additionally, I’m thrilled that one of our commentators is Scottish. No idea why he’s here, just happy I get to listen to him for the next 90 minutes. So, will I find any sense of American organization on the field? Doubt it; soccer always looks like little kids simply kicking a ball back and forth, back and forth, faking injuries to spice up the game. We’ll see how it goes.

Oh, and for those of you I sent the photos of the Italian team to, those are really their boys, not models. It should be an estrogen surging game.

So, Italy is in blue, the US is in black and white, refs are in red. Hmm. So the field will be red, white, and blue? Interesting.

Ok, observations thus far:

All of the Italian players sang with their national anthem; and whole heartedly, not sort of muttering the words. However, the US supporters sang much louder. You could clearly hear the words to the song. Granted, I don’t actually know the words to the Italian national anthem but usually I recognize words. Didn’t this time.

The crowd is pretty evenly mixed with Italian and American flags, which is nice. Usually they separate the crowd, so you see a clear definition of color in the stands.

The US has never beaten Italy. 7 matches, we’ve lost 7 times. The first score was 7-1. We’ve also never won against a European team in the World cup. Can you say Underdog?

Our team has a whopping 4 players that actually play in the US. The other 19 or so play in other leagues around the world. All American born but …

The Italians, in a strange twist of fate, look to be much, much taller than the Americans. The short guy on their team is taller than me. They also have much longer hair. Yeah, I should just move to Italy. Who am I kidding with this whole Irish thing?


Ok, game is on!

First yellow card at 4:35 against the Italians. Soccer players are such pansies.

We have a tackle at midfield resulting in a yellow card for the Americans. It’s actually a lot more fun when they tackle each other. I think that’s why rugby is a more interesting game to watch. I can definitely get behind violence in sports.

And it’s 1-0 Italy at 21 minutes. By one of our models even. He’s not just a pretty face it would seem. How will the Americans react? By taking out one of their players. Nope, he got taken out by is own goaltender and his butt sprayed on international TV. I have no idea what happened that requires spray on his ass, but he’s off the pitch for now.

Oh dear; it’s now 1-1 courtesy of Zaccardo of the Italian team. If he were from South America, they’d have him killed. God knows what will happen when he goes to re-negotiate his professional contract. Poor guy; looked moderately amused and horrified in equal parts. I think he was waiting for them to say it didn’t count. How do you feel knowing your only world cup goal is for the opposing team? He’ll never ever hear the end of it.

One of the Italian players has just been ejected at 28 minutes for elbowing a player. It’s bad too, blood everywhere. The commentators agree with the red card. Wow, it suddenly got interesting.

And we have a red card for Mastroeni of the US. The US power play has been equalized. And in the instant replay, he needed to be sent off. Took out an ankle; he’s being taken off in a stretcher. Oh, the American coach is mad…

Half-time! As the commentator just said “I’m sure you’re not bored with this game.” I’m not.

Great comments so far include: It’s chaos out there; just chaos. He’s a great terrier of a player. For such a genuinely harmonious feel inside the stadium, it’s a pretty hostile match. The hand that kept the USA in the World Cup. (it was a particularly nice save by Keller the goal keeper) He’s been working his socks off. Ooo-la-la… What drama!


Ooooo… One minute 20 seconds and an American is sent of the pitch. Another ankle slash it’s now 10 Italian against 9 Americans. Evidently, it’s the 3rd ever match with so many red cards.

Another Italian down in mid-field and it doesn’t look like he’s getting up under his own steam. The ref is looking at the Italian bench like ‘hurry up and get him outta here, we got a game to play!’. Uh-oh… the injured player is Sicilian. You know what they say about Sicilians: never go up against one when death is on the line.

I keep hearing the USA! Chant in the stands but I have yet to hear the Ole! Ole! Ole! Soccer anthem from the Italians yet. Maybe they never came back from half-time cappuccinos.

Wow, 8 offsides for the Italians and zero for the Americans. I’m not even sure yet what an offsides in soccer is, but Luca Toni was guilty of most of them. I know in Bend it Like Beckham, it had something to do with the sea salt and the mustard. I don’t think that applies here. Luca Toni, who, as a total aside, reminds me of my friend Mark. Not sure why, he just does.

Damn! Goal for Beasely taken away for an offsides offence. The whole stadium is booing. And another player down being taken off on a stretcher. It’s really quite a violent match out there. Oooh… cleat up the backside. Literally. And, as it turns out, if he can’t come back on the pitch, it’s 9 on 9 since Italy has used up all it’s substitutions. They still have 35 minutes to play too. Not a smart strategy on their part it would seem.

We have another yellow card for pushing/tackling/physical conduct unbecoming a professional player. I wonder what the record is for yellow cards in a match?

Our office has a football pool and since we are 8 people, we all have 4 teams, chosen in blind draw unless your home country is playing. So far, none of my team have one and two of them have suffered the greatest defeats of the tournament. I have the US, Serbia-Montenegro (who lost 6-0), Tunisia, and France. France was my greatest hope to win the 16 euro prize and they drew with Switzerland. Evidently, it’s an underdogs World Cup this year. Our office manager, lucky bitch, was raised in Australia by Polish immigrants, so she has two powerhouse teams. It’s almost not fair. We all got our share of lower bracket teams but geez… We were all relieved when she didn’t draw Brazil. It does look like Argentina is the team to beat so far. It was they who humiliated Serbia. I may have to embark on a a Malbec boycott. What am I saying?!

10 more minutes left to play. I think whoever scores next will take the game. Provided anyone scores, that is. I’ve only ever watched 2 or 3 games before. Our office went for pints the opening game, in honor of our 2 German co-workers. It’s always seemed like a wasted of time to spend 90 minutes watching a game where there isn’t a score guaranteed and ties are just part of the fun. How anti-climatic is a tie in a sporting event? You’ve been cheering yourself hoarse, wearing some sort of costume that guarantees your kids will be embarrassed of you forever, and at the end, they cut off the beer and send you home without a winner.

Yep, it is anti-climatic. 1-1. At least we’re still in it!