I warn you... they are petty items indeed.
1- Whipped cream is never ever sweet. It is exactly that: cream whipped into frothy disappointment. I fall for it every time.
2- I can’t find STUFF. And by stuff I mean things like ordinary household items. There’s no Target, no Bed Bath + Beyond, no Home Depot; I don’t know where to shop for things. I just had our office manager spend 1-3/4 days phoning all over Dublin looking for a hot glue gun. I’m doing a sample board and well, hot glue is the best way I know to get tile samples to stick to a board and not club the client on the foot. Clearly I’m asking too much. She found one store on the other side of town that carries them. One.
3- When you can find the stuff, there is no counting on it. Case in point: our supermarket carries the Toilet Duck refills but not the Toilet Duck. So if you’ve got one, you’re in luck. If not, too bad. Also, having it in stock now is in no way indicative of it being in stock there again. Ever.
4- I don’t know the words for anything. Which produces two reactions in the people I’m speaking to while miming things like chipboard and hot glue gun: sniggering and the distinct impression that I’m running shy of sanity.
5- I have to be especially vigilant about the onion thing. Onions:Irish as Parsley:Americans.
6- Myself. It’s never ‘me’ it’s always ‘myself’. And while that is a universal grammatical error causing no end of weeping on my part, it is especially rampant in Ireland. Herself is a title. Example: Kate and I went to the movies and Herself there was particularly hungry for popcorn.
7- There are no big salads. Elaine would protest. I’m considering it.
8- They may say ‘crispy American style bacon’ but it never is.
9- “You’re an American. You must know (author, singer, restaurant in New York, book). Seriously, do you have any idea how big my country is?
10- Americans aren’t “well travelled” unless they’ve left the country. I’ve been in 30+ states which have a much larger landmass than Europe. But because I didn’t need a passport, different currency or language skills, I’ve never experienced a different culture. Obviously, these people have never been to deepest South Georgia.
11- I have to constantly remember to specify that I want no milk in my tea or my coffee. And often, I need to hand it back and ask them to fill the cup past the ½ point.
12- “It’s always been done that way”, which is a blatant lie. 18 months I’ve been here, 17 times I’ve sent a wire transfer from my bank. Got a pretty good handle on how it’s done. But each branch seems to run by their own financial rules including when they can and cannot fire up the computer.
13- If I order a coke, it costs more than my sandwich at the deli next door, but includes one ice cube and a lemon wedge.
14- They drive on the wrong side of the road. They just do!
15- There are no city laws compelling people to pick up after their dogs. Several neighbourhood groups have posted signs referring to a fine, but I’ve never seen an official Poop Officer issuing a fine so I’m guessing they have all the deterrence of the Neighbourhood Watch Area and Beware of Dog signs. I’m tired of seeing the pavement. I’d like to look around when I walk but my shoes much prefer it if I watch where I step.
5 comments:
To your point #10:
http://douweosinga.com/projects/visitedcountries
I'm up to 15, if you include Canada, which really is more like JV United States.
There's also a link for states visited on that page, and I've got 38, baby.
Luke
I think that Irelend is slowing driving you towards a cliff.......and daring you to jump, passive-aggressively.......on the other hand, don't let the bastards get you down cuz it's all about thriving on adversity.........you go girl!!!!
Luf, megaron
Oooohhhh and also, there are the myriad ways you are America and America is you. Your tastes and habits are in no way individual, rather they are exactly the same as all other Americans.
I still have nightmares of hearing "well of course you like (or dislike or do or don't do)that, you're American" in a British accent.
@&%#! I hated that!
(Probably because I'm an American.)
Luke, love the link. I'm up to 18 places including my uncle's bar in Canada when I was 10. It was a log cabin. He built log cabins for a living. Fascinated me for decades.
B's Sis, Yeah. Right on there!! But I do love when people ask where I'm from, waiting for a chance to talk about their last vacation in New York, because they always draw blank when I say Wyoming. It's fabulous actually because then they have to ask what it's like and deal with a girl from a small farming community. Usually, it's a paradigm shift in thinking for them. Small? Western? Mountians???
This post tells me something, The USA is still the coolest country in the world. You can get anything you can imagine, everywhere, anytime.
You can travel 3,000 miles and see an entire world, been never leave your country.
That fun to read, it's funny how the little things make you miss home. Here's a little thing I miss about home, large toliets. The toliets here are all built for 8 years olds...
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